Living in the Past
by Luna Creevey
Summary: It hurt him much more than it hurt her. She had her flock, company. Already his memories were slipping away. He'd have to get used to living in the past because that was the only way he'd be able to live from now on. Fang's thoughts as he leaves. 1-shot.


**This is my first MR fanfic, so be nice please :). Fax implied, _obviously_. Spoilers if you haven't read Fang yet (if you haven't, then what the heck are you doing on fanfic? Go read it!).**

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He was flying through the clear sky, cold air cutting at his face and a harsh wind buffeting his wings. That was fine. He could deal with that. What he couldn't deal with was the pain. Oh, it wasn't the normal kind of pain that came with battles, fights, injuries and scars. It was far worse than that. This was the sort of pain that got you hard where it hurt the most: your heart. And right now? Right now it was stabbing through his rib cage like an ice coated dagger, numbing his very senses. And the very worst thing? All of it, down to the smallest little pang, was his entire fault.

Well actually, he reasoned with himself, it might not be his fault. That infuriatingly perfect Dylan and the scientists were what drove him into doing this. But when it came down to it, it was him that had done it, he had made that final decision. He was the one who left them all with just a letter to make up for it.

And now he didn't know what to do. His first instincts were to fly as far as possible away from the wedding, the flock and his past. That was what it was now. It wasn't his life, it didn't belong to him. It was the _past_.

He could see Max now, in his mind. Her honey hair pulled back from her face with hundreds of miniature flowers woven in into it. He could see her tanned face with a smattering of freckles and a contented smile. Her hazel eyes, usually harsh and hawk-like were soft and gentle just for the wedding. He could picture perfectly the cream silky dress that hugged her figure. The way she beamed at the wedding reception and got cake icing round her mouth and danced with wild abandon, not caring how she looked.

He'd have to keep these memories in his head forever because that was all that he had of his past. He had slunk out of the reception an hour earlier, placed the note he had been writing and re-writing for days and flown away. He had told her to stay, eat cake and have fun. He reckoned it would be the only bit of fun she'd have for a while afterwards.

He could remember them all perfectly now. Gazzy with his keen interpretation of Total's loved up voice as he said 'I do'. Nudge nattering non-stop about how good they looked and the designer pedigree of everyone's dresses and suits. Iggy smirking as he ate the cake and announcing he could have cooked better. Angel smiling and laughing and acting like a normal seven year old for once. And Maximum beautiful, witty, clever, dynamic Max.

She deserved better than him. He was flawed. He was marked down, he was going to die. Yes he'd cause her anguish to begin with but she'd get over that and realise that her place was with Dylan.

It hurt him so much more than it hurt her. She had her flock. He had nobody. And already the memories were slipping away. What song had Max dragged him onto the floor to dance with her to? What colour suit had Iggy been wearing? At what point in the proceedings had Gazzy let out that killer fart? Who had Angel been talking to? Who had Nudge been slow dancing with?

He couldn't remember. And it would only get worse. Maybe he wouldn't be able to remember her face. And even if he did it wouldn't matter because her face would change and it wouldn't be _her_ face anymore it would be past Max's face. He guessed he would have to get used to that, living in the past. Because living in the past was the only way he'd be able to live from now on.

Although he knew that there was one thing he would never forget and that was that he loved Maximum Ride with every atom of his being. And one day, on a cliff where hawks fly he would see her again.

For many years afterwards, these two things were the only things that kept Fang going. And maybe, just maybe, Max will turn up in twenty years. And she won't have forgotten him and she'll forgive him eventually after roundhouse kicking him. And all will be well again.

These are the things that keep Fang going on his long, hard journey.

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**So, yeah. Please drop a review to tell me what you think. Even 'you suck at writing' would be appreciated! No really, if you think I suck at writing fanfic please tell me, likewise if you like it (or even love it...*smiles hopefully*) then tell me!**

**Oh et aussi je n'ai pas Maximum Ride mais je veux Fang :). (Sadly enough I didn't need google translate for that. I am put through the hell on earth known as french class.)**


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